Stephanie Fairyington Rejects People-Pleasing at 50, Embraces Assertive Boundaries
Updated
Updated · The Guardian · Aug 18
Stephanie Fairyington Rejects People-Pleasing at 50, Embraces Assertive Boundaries
1 articles · Updated · The Guardian · Aug 18
Summary
A cafe encounter with her 10-year-old daughter pushed Stephanie Fairyington to reconsider whether teaching girls to smile and appease others reinforces a damaging “false self.”
Fairyington argues that over-investing in being “nice” carries emotional costs—raising stress, blurring boundaries and encouraging women to suppress anger to remain likable.
At 48, substitute teaching in New York City exposed how deeply that reflex shaped her own behavior, as she softened her voice and masked frustration rather than confront disrespect.
Watching experienced teachers, she adopted 4 practices—clear rules, immediate correction, warmth and nonpunitive discipline—and says that approach helped her assert limits in class and in life.
Now 50, Fairyington says modeling that assertiveness for her daughter matters more than likability, framing boundary-setting as a response to sexist expectations that punish women’s displeasure.